The role of respect in the post election season

This logo embodies how organizations are bonded with respect.

It seems to me that this past election season was abnormally emotionally taxing. Everyone I spoke with Wednesday morning after the election awoke either euphoric or depressed, depending on which side of the political debate they are on.  Every one is convinced that the battle for the culture of our nation rested on the outcome of this election.  They see our broken nation and society and they want it fixed.

However, the more I encounter waste and brokenness in the world around me, the more convinced I am that the battle for changing society is not in the courts, or in the legislature, but rather in each individual heart.  We have first and foremost a breakdown of culture, a failure of heart and spirit, not of government.  Expecting the people in government to fix a failure of heart is irrational at best and an abdication of personal responsibility as worst.

If we treat others with the respect they deserve and expect the same in return, our society becomes much less broken.  My argument in The Sunday Monday Paradox revolves around the preeminence of human dignity: each human person deserves respect. 

Each person deserves respect.   That’s an easy statement.  You might be reading this saying “of course!”  But look at your actions.  When we say things like, “He didn’t earn my respect.” or “She doesn’t deserve my respect.”  We betray the inclination of our heart.

Respect is not something that we withhold for those we judge worthy.  We are called to freely give our respect to every person, for we have all been created in His image and endowed with inherent worth. And in our nation at this moment of cultural crisis, we must regain possession of ourselves and extend to each other the benefit of humility and the freedom of forgiveness.

When you are in control of your self, unaffected by the irrational and emotional arguments from both sides of the debate, you can extend humility and forgiveness.  Otherwise, once you abandon possession of your self, you become animal and base, reacting from fear and instinct.  Without that possession of your self, you not only lose the ability to see through the issues with reason and objectivity, but also to examine your self in the same way as well.  Once that happens, it becomes much more difficult to diffuse your fear.

In practical terms, this means that when we decide not to treat others with respect, we are not only treating them without dignity, but we are also abandoning our dignity as well.  Both become animal.  And as animal, we are susceptible to those who would incite fear for their own benefit.  Without possession of our self, we lose the ability to question “Who is inciting our fear?” and “What are to their motives?” (as a side note, I cite a study done by the Federal Government 40 years ago that predicted the breakdown we are experiencing now.)

How do we break this cycle?  We practice. 

First, we practice humility.  Remind yourself  at each encounter, “I am not as right as I think I am and the other guy isn’t as wrong as I think he is.”  Practice this at each encounter throughout the day and then examine yourself daily asking, “How did I do?” in prayer and praying for strength to do better.

Second, we practice forgiveness.  Remind yourself at each encounter, “Just because we disagree, I must still recognize the dignity of the other.”  And again examine yourself daily asking, “How did I do?” in prayer and praying for strength to do better.

Third, we practice community.  In my book, The Sunday / Monday Paradox,  I illustrate how the untruth at the foundation of all the other lies is, “You are alone”.  This lie takes many forms.  However, in this special season in our nation we must be diligently aware of one particular form of the lie.  Remember that we were never intended to be a nation of rugged individuals, a myth propagated by auto and tobacco companies to generate sales.  On the contrary, at the birth of our nation, Alexis de Tocqueville in his work Democracy in America documented how our early citizens came together after elections.  The minority respectfully allowed themselves to be respectfully governed by the majority.  We work together.  Not, we are alone.

I wrote The Sunday/Monday Paradox to change hearts and to inspire spirit.  Now more than ever we need to regain possession of our self, and once we regain our self, to treat each other with the respect they deserve.  We can eliminate so much waste and improve our lives in so many ways.  But it will be up to you tomorrow morning to begin the transformation.

A few words on forgiveness

Forgiveness defines Christianity. 

At the center of my book, The Sunday Monday Paradox, I remind my audience that at the heart of love lays three values – charity,humility and forgiveness.  Remember, forgiveness is showing charity and humility to others even when, nay, especially when they fail to do so for us.

Jesus + put forgiveness at the center of our faith.  When He instructs us how we should pray, He reminds us that we are in relation to one another and that we are called to forgive.  It’s not a suggestion.  It’s a commandment.  If we are to expect forgiveness, we MUST forgive.

Other major religions focus on the individual or omit forgiveness.  As a result of their imperfect nature, humanity plunges into a never-ending spiral of grudges and conflict. 

When we fail to forgive or imperfectly forgive, we introduce such waste into the world.  We harm creation and we damage ourselves; we cut ourselves off from Divine Mercy and divorce ourselves from our Creator. 

Yet with so much at stake, forgiveness comes so difficult. 

If this world makes you weary and you feel you’re swimming upstream on the way to nowhere, look at the way you’re swimming.  Examine yourself and how you forgive.

Generally, I think I’m able to forgive easily and completely.  And such burdens have been removed from me and as a result, so has much stress and anxiety.  But that has come over many years.  And still, there is one person who I have not forgiven.  Even after many years, and unknown to him, I try and I try but without success. I feel the waste my lack causes me as a result.  To let grudges and judgment affect my actions is to lose self-possession.  So I’ll pray for help and try again.  I hope you will too.

In Him +

Lessons from the ninth grade…

Jesus + defines love

I teach a faith formation class to ninth grade high school students.  I find ninth graders fascinating.  These children are on the brink of adulthood.  You can see their minds racing, grasping for answers, and asking questions.  Over the course of the academic year, we explore the basics of Christian faith following the Nicene Creed.  And when we talk about God, we talk about love.  And so I pose the question to them, “What is Love?”

At the center of my book, The Sunday Monday Paradox, I remind the reader what love is.  The word has been taken away from us, redefined, misused, overused and dissolved so that it means everything and nothing at all.

But if we re-explore love, we find at its heart of love lies three values – charity, humility and forgiveness.

So when we say that God is love, we say that God is charity, humility, and forgiveness.  And when He tells us that He created us in His image, He tells us that He created us to put the needs of others before our own (Charity), He tells us to value the works and ideas of others (Humility) and He tells us to keep on putting their needs before our own and recognizing their dignity even when, nay, especially when they fail to do so for us (Forgiveness).

Jesus + died on the Cross to show us the meaning of love once, for all time, and for every one.  As I tell my ninth graders, He did not allow Himself to be crucified for a warm and fuzzy romantic feeling.

For my ninth graders, particularly the girls, I put them in the context of the statement.  When a boy tells her that he loves her, challenge the words.  Will he put her needs before his?  Does he recognize her dignity?  Does he forgive? 

If this world makes you weary and you feel you’re swimming upstream, how have you defined love?  Because the way you define love defines how you live your life.  Re-examine your definition of love.  Does it align with what Jesus taught us?  The closer it does, the lighter our burden.

In Him